Sunday, March 18, 2012

Celebration & Chocolate cake

Today I'm in a celebratory mood, so in the middle of writing this post, I decided to quickly bake myself a gluten free chocolate walnut cake=) I LOVE chocolate. In addition to being gluten free, I'm also sugar free. Yes it's a major pain in the butt when it comes to baking desserts, but I manage with substitutes. Tonight I didn't want to think about figuring out substitutes. I was gonna go all out. Sugar? In to the cake the brown sugar went! As I put the sugar back, I spotted the coffee. Chocolate and Coffee....yum! Coffee is another thing that bothers my stomach, so I haven't had coffee in over 2 years, but I'm celebrating, so what the hell=) A teaspoon of coffee went into the cake=)

What am I celebrating? My beautiful Naama is 3 months old today! According to the baby Iphone apps, my baby has graduated from newborn to infant stage. Man does time fly!!

I'm also celebrating more breakthroughs this weekend. I was by myself with Naama who as usual was on her tummy time mat on the couch. When she'd had enough of tummy time, I picked her up, sat her on my lap and sang to her. When she got fussy, I put her back on her tummy. When she started to cry, I flipped her on her back. Still crying, I realized she was hungry and wanted to eat NOW! I tried calming her because I wanted to wait for my husband to get back from walking Doggie, but Naama wasn't waiting and I felt I was in a secure position to pick her up. I strapped my nursing pillow around my waist, picked Naama up and settled her on my left side to nurse. I was surprised that it wasn't that difficult. Would I do it again while alone? Probably not. When my husband walked in and saw me nursing Naama he said "wow I'm impressed! You did that on your own?!" I just smiled=) I'm also able to pick Naama up from her swing as long as I'm sitting down and I only pick her up if I feel I have to. She has better head control now, so it's easier to pick her up from surface to surface. One huge advantage of being able to pick Naama up from her swing, is that she's facing me, so before I sit her on my lap, I get to hug her yummy little body=)

Who knows, maybe one day, I will gain enough confidence to hold Naama as I'm standing, just the way I did with a friend's baby in 2009. If I can stand with Naama, that's all it will be, just standing still, no attempts to move a step forward. I won't take that chance, but to be able to hold Naama like I did this baby...

Oh, did I forget to mention that last week, half an hour before she was supposed to turn up for work, Mila the nanny called my husband and quit without giving much of a reason. I had a mixed reaction. I was surprised she quit. When she left Friday, everything seemed fine, especially since I had smoothed over issues I had with her. My next thought was oh shit what am I gonna do now? My 3rd thought was thank god I don't have someone living in my house anymore.

Later on, I spoke to a friend whose caretaker is friends with Mila. Her caretaker said the reason Mila quit was because she wanted more money. I almost hit the roof. The woman worked 4.5 days a week and received a very nice salary which included an allowance. Yes you read correctly. She received a small allowance every week for her day off. Sound ridiculous?? It is! I haven't received an allowance since I was a child and I had to work for that allowance! Here Mila got pocket money for her day off! As crazy as that is, apparenty all philipinos get an allowance in addition to their salary. that's just the way it's done. In addition to that, Mila had the best room in the house with her own bathroom and shower. We gave her the master bedroom upstairs. We have one of the smaller rooms downstairs because I wasn't sure I could deal with the stairs in the last stages of my pregnancy and after a C section.

So now that Mila is gone, It's just me and my husband and that makes it difficult because he has to stop whatever he's doing to help me with the baby. This has changed our relationship somewhat. Before Naama was born, the word can't wasn't in my vocabulary. I think that is one of the things that attracted my husband to me. I didn't let having Cerebral Palsy stop me. Now, the word can't is part of my daily life and I know it's a difficult thing for us to get used to.

On Thursday nights my husband works outside the house, so we hired an older woman to come and be with me and the baby for a few hours. She was a nice lady and we talked about several things, but man did she smell! My apartment reeked so bad afterward. The whole time the woman was here, I felt like crying. I hate that I always have to have someone here. I just want to be by myself, but it's been like a revolving door around here lately. I think even Naama is weirded out by the different people who have helped me out. When this old woman was holding Naama, my husband remarked how strangely the baby was looking at this new woman. See? I knew it! The baby does know who's taking care of her! Plus, it's always awkward with strangers. Because I need help positioning the baby for nursing, whoever is helping me sees my breasts. I have no privacy. My breasts aren't a private part of my body anymore since they are Naama's food source. However, one good thing I learned from this old woman was that it's possible to feed Naama in the swing if I have to. Today, I did.

So now we are trying to find someone new to help out, but we don't need a live in anymore. I am in the process of dealing with the national insurance institute to increase my disability percentage now that my situation has changed and I can't take care of my baby on my own. Receiving a higher percentage, will enable me to get help at home that's paid for, as well as other disability services. Unfortunately, being unable to care for my baby isn't going to score me any points. Only if my physical situation has changed will they consider increasing my disability percentage. I am now trying to prove things are worse by doing a bunch of tests. If any problems show up, better for me=) Getting permission to do some of these tests call for a twisting of the truth just a bit. The person helping me to increase my percentage, sent me to an ENT to try and get him to give me permission for a hearing test. I realized that one of the things he wanted me to tell this ENT was that I also had a ringing noise in my ears! I almost burst out laughing when I found that out. So with a straight face, I told the ENT I thought I was losing my hearing and that I sometimes hear a high pitch sound like EEEEE!! He gave me a slip for the hearing test and after examining me he actually saw that I have acute sinusitis! Score=) Sinusitis....add it to my collection of problems...why not? What's one more ailment?? Now where's that chocolate cake I baked??