The baby definitely connects with the person feeding her and vice versa, so I had explained to my husband that I didn't want the nanny bottle feeding the baby unless absolutely necessary. I wanted him to be the one singing to her and making eye contact with her. I wanted him to be the recipient of his daughter's smiles. This morning when I heard the beginning of the discussion between my husband and Mila the nanny, I flew out of bed yelling NO! I went to the dining table to see my husband holding the baby and the nanny staring daggers at me. I felt awkward for my outburst, but did not apologize. Instead I mumbled something and went back to bed.
After a bit the baby started to get fussy so I tried feeding her. I couldn't get the nipple in her mouth.
The nanny came in and started smiling and singing to the baby just as I had done. Suddenly, Naama was all smiles. I was numb. I tried interacting with her again, no go. The nanny butted in again and Naama was happy again. Frustrated beyond belief I got out of bed and left the two of them alone. When I saw my face in the bathroom mirror, my black eyeliner had smudged, making me look like a heroin addict...maybe that's why Naama cried when I looked at her? I left the bathroom and went to find my husband. I told him how upset I was and he hugged me. Even Doggie stood up on his hind legs and hugged my leg, but it didn't really make me feel better. I could still hear Naama and the nanny being all happy together. I wanted to go in to my bedroom to get my slippers but I didn't want to see them, so I made myself tea instead.
After awhile, Mila comes into the living room holding the baby and as she's singing to Naama and rocking her to sleep in her arms, I hear Mila sing "go to sleep my darling baby." WTF?! I didn't say anything. I don't know how to handle this situation. If I start butting in when I feel she's getting too close, she may decide not to handle the baby at all and I need her for a majority of the baby care. Besides, I can't tell her not to be affectionate toward the cutest baby ever! But what to do? I feel my baby is closer to the nanny than to me...
oy! don't drive yourself crazy. she will love you forever. my kids loved frida too!
ReplyDeleteHi..you don't know me but I am a friend of Natalie's from Toronto....I read your blog with awe and amazement...I have no words for your strength, courage and love and devotion to your family. And while I cannot fully appreciate the physical challenges you face each day, with four small children I have LOTS of nanny experience. Our first nanny was a British nanny who was trained in a nanny college for four years post secondary. Truly a Mary Poppins in every sense. Trouble was, British nannies do no cleaning so for five years, although I am a stay-at-home mom, she spent (in my estimation) far too much time playing with my kids, bathing my kids, laughing with my kids, and spending so much "special" time with my kids that I thought my own connection would be minimized. Long story short, we let her go after five years. My oldest was about five at the time, my second was nearing four and the baby was 18 months. NOT ONE OF THEM REMEMBER HER!!!! Sure they recall me mentioning her name etc but they have no memories of doing anything with her, enjoying time with her or anything else. She gave them smiles, laughter and great times (as did I, I hope!!) but all they remember is the fun of childhood and their adoring parents. So take a deep breath -- Naama will never even remember her when she is older....my thoughts, for what they are worth! :))))
ReplyDeleteYes that does make me feel better:)
DeleteI do sometimes think why am I letting this bother me? She won't remember this stage in her life anyway...