Sometimes all ive accomplished with caring for Naama seems like none of it ever happened and I'm back in a helpless position.
Today things were fine in the park until other little kids showed up. Naama was enamored by them and wanted to crawl after them. Unfortunately the youth leave broken glass on the ground so I was nervous to let Naama crawl so freely. When she started to get away from me, I tried picking her up under her arms as usual but she was resisting which made it harder on me. I couldn't contain her and at one point I pulled her back by her shirt. She cried and I immediately felt bad that I was holding her back- literally and figuratively! I followed her and struggled some more. I saw the dads watching me and I felt so embarrassed, so helpless. I felt like crying. If there had been a mom there, I'd have asked for help. I finally picked Naama up and despite protests, put her in the stroller.
I don't expect to be able to do it all, I just don't want Naama to be held back or miss out because of my limitations, but I guess I can always have someone to help with difficult tasks/activities as Naama gets older. I just don't like having a 3rd wheel, but it isn't about what I want or how I feel. It's about doing what's best for Naama now and as she grows older.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
I put you back in the stroller and wheeled you over to the the little green spiral ladder and you explored from that vantage point as you hung on to the lower rungs.
When you got tired you sat on the ground and picked at the leaves, twigs and dirt. I was watching you carefully to make sure you didn't put anything in your mouth, but I didn't have to worry. At a year old you are such a big girl already! You curiously inspected your dirty hands, brushed them off and then clasped your hands together and just sat there like a little angel! I was so proud!
Since you are so light, I picked you up and off we went to the horsey chair. I sat you on it and you played for awhile.
When you had had enough you crawled over to my legs, grabbed on with your tiny hands and started to climb up my legs. I loved that feeling. Baby telling mommy I need you, hold me. I picked you up and put you back in your stroller. Our time in the park was short and sweet. It's a time I think I will always remember...just us playing in the park.
We went back upstairs and I nursed you. You may be a year old and you are already such a little person, but I'm not ready to give up nursing you to sleep yet. You're still my little baby