Wednesday, August 22, 2012


I LOVE motherhood! I was born to be a mother.

 For about 2 weeks earlier this month, Naama was waking up at 4am because her teeth were coming through!
 Sure I was half asleep, but my main concern was comforting my baby. My husband took Naama out of her bassinet and handed her to me. Naama and I snuggled together and I nursed her back to sleep. In the mornings, as my husband inhaled his coffee, I mentioned that even at 4am, Naama's cries are like music to my ears. "You're not normal," said my husband. "Does her poop still smell like flowers to you?"he asked. My husband can't change a poopy diaper without gagging, so I change them. I used to say her poopy smelled like flowers...Ok maybe Im exaggerating a bit, because now that she's eating solids, it definitely don't smell so hot, but I'm just happy that her plumbing's working right!

Earlier this week, we moved Naama into her own room where she sleeps in her regular crib. My husband said that at 8 months old it's time she slept in her own room. I beg to differ, but she WOULD fit in her crib better than the bassinet, so we put her to bed in her own room, which is literally 4 paces  from our bedroom. My husband was asleep the second his head hit the pillow, but I kept tossing and turning. I couldn't sleep. I missed my baby. I love this moosh face! Naama is so yummy that we have combined her name and the word yummy, so we often call her Nummy=)

 With Naama spending her first night in her own room, I felt like she didn't need her mommy anymore. I got all teary just looking at Naama's empty bassinet. She could handle it. She may have been ok, but mommy wasn't! Forget baby separation anxiety! Mommy's having the separation anxiety! Even though I felt ridiculous for doing so, I grabbed a blanket and pillow and lay on the floor next to Naama's crib. I was asleep in seconds=)

I think the best part about being a mom is when I walk into a room and Naama gives me a huge smile and flaps her arms and legs with excitement, or when she cries when I leave the room, or when she looks for me when she's frightened. I feel so happy and also amazed. To her I'm perfect even though I have Cerebral Palsy.

Yeah I can now do the majority of baby care on my own, but there are a few kinks I doubt I will ever be able to iron out.

One night while my husband was walking Doggie, Naama woke crying but she was still half asleep.  I wanted to take her out of her bassinet and just cuddle and comfort her, but she was still kinda sleepy and unlike my husband, I don't do anything gently. While I was hemming and hawwing over how to take her gently out of her bed, she cried harder. Naama often pushes herself to the head of her bed, which makes it hard for me to grab her at a good angle, but without thinking too much, I pulled her toward me by her legs/tush so I could get a good grip on her and lifted her out of her bassinet. I tried to put her gently on my bed , but I ended up more like plopping her on the bed and she cried harder. Talk about a rude awakening! After positioning her, I lay beside her and nursed her back to sleep, but I felt so bad that I was kinda rough on her.... Sometimes when I'm trying to lay Naama next to me so I could nurse her in bed, she decides it's easier for her to just come at my breast head on! That does kinda make it easier on me and it's hysterical to see. I love my intuitive baby=) When I was younger, I always joked with my friends that I should be a product tester. I tore and broke more notebooks and binders than I can count! If a product can withstand my falls, drops and toughness it gets a green light!

When I'm alone, I nurse Naama on the couch so I can transfer her to her stroller if she's awake when she's done. Since I can't gently transfer a sleeping Naama from my breast to her stroller or bed, I have to stay on the couch with her in the nursing position until she wakes up which could be close to an hour. It's not easy having body parts fall asleep on you=) Occasionally, I can move her from a nursing position to a sitting position while she's still out which helps my numb arm, but I'm still stuck on the couch for who knows how long=) However, having her delicious, warm little body on me makes up for all the other things around the house which aren't going to get done...again!

And we have reached the next developmental stage! Crawling! We totally thought we'd have a bit more time before Naama started crawling in her 7th month, but one day she was just on the move and she never looked back!

It's hard for me that she's crawling, but I'm doing the best I can. Thankfully Naama is just doing the army crawl now and is mainly crawling in one area which makes it a little easier.

Last week, my husband started a new job. He left the house at 6:30AM. Naama was already feeding and I was happy about that. If I needed help, my husband was still around. I can deal with the baby care, it just takes me longer because I have to put her in the stroller first to get around the house, or I have to rearrange things before doing something like changing a diaper and we all know that patience is one thing babies DON'T have, so it was easier having my husband help me since Mary Poppins wasn't coming until 10am.

Now that Naama was crawling, I was very apprehensive to be alone with her. I wasn't planning on taking her out of her stroller until Mary Poppins arrived. Naama hates being confined, so I knew she was going to want to be on the floor and I wanted her to have her freedom.

I can put her on the floor and pick her up if she is within my reach from where I'm sitting on the couch but I had yet to pick her up from the floor while standing. When she starts crawling just out of my reach, I will grab her by her clothing and slide her back to me. I feel kinda cruel for doing that because she's trying to get to a certain point and here I come pulling her ALL the way back. When she's on her mat, I'm careful not to walk near her without holding onto something because I'm afraid I'll fall and hurt my princess. One day I was on the baby's opposite side. I went to get something and I tripped over the blanket that cushions the mat. I decided to play with her while I was on the floor. Why not? I'm already there=)
 But usually, I get on the floor and play with her. I love every minute!
Aren't those teeth just the cutest???

One day, Naama crawled across the room from me and was going near the computer cable. My only choice was to pick her up while I was standing. Once again when push came to shove, I knew I could do what I need to do. I braced myself and without really thinking about it, I picked her up and walked her back to her mat on the other side of the room! When I pick her up, I hold her away from my body so her weight doesn't throw me off balance. I sense that she knows she has to be extra good around me, because when I pick her up she doesn't squirm around at all. She stays perfectly still. Sometimes I will hold her to my body, bracing her against me with my arm. I'm definitely holding her too tight because she makes grunting noises like I'm cutting off her air supply. I haven't yet figured out how I can hold her to me a little gentler. I just have a tough grasp....probably because of the Cerebral Palsy.

The night I slept on the floor next to her crib, Naama woke at 5am wanting to eat. Instead of waking my husband to take her out of her crib and carry her to our bed or the rocking chair in her nursery, I lifted her out of the crib (which I had done before under supervision ) and holding her against my chest, I walked over to the rocking chair, sat down and nursed her! During our short walk, Naama let out a few grunts as if to say Mommy you're choking me!! I felt bad, but there's nothing I can do about how I hold her against me. I was concerned that squeezing her little body so tight could cause internal bleeding or something, so at her last doctor's visit, I voiced my concern and he said it's not a problem. PHEW!

I'm happy that I can pick Naama up and walk a short distance with her if I have to, but what happens if I trip and fall on her? I've fallen on a cat before, so falling on a baby can happen, but I realize that the more I do the same tasks with her, my body is better able to deal with what I need to do in the moment, like lift her and walk short distances with her, but at the end of the day my back is shot and all my muscles are in knots, but even though caring for Naama is the reason behind my physical pain, I wouldn't have it any other way=)