Friday, January 4, 2013

Helpless

Sometimes all ive accomplished with caring for Naama seems like none of it ever happened and I'm back in a helpless position.

Today things were fine in the park until other little kids showed up. Naama was enamored by them and wanted to crawl after them. Unfortunately the youth leave broken glass on the ground so I was nervous to let Naama crawl so freely. When she started to get away from me, I tried picking her up under her arms as usual but she was resisting which made it harder on me. I couldn't contain her and at one point I pulled her back by her shirt. She cried and I immediately felt bad that I was holding her back- literally and figuratively! I followed her and struggled some more. I saw the dads watching me and I felt so embarrassed, so helpless. I felt like crying. If there had been a mom there, I'd have asked for help. I finally picked Naama up and despite protests, put her in the stroller.

I don't expect to be able to do it all, I just don't want Naama to be held back or miss out because of my limitations, but I guess I can always have someone to help with difficult tasks/activities as Naama gets older. I just don't like having a 3rd wheel, but it isn't about what I want or how I feel. It's about doing what's best for Naama now and as she grows older.