The little train that could

I'm going to start this post by tooting my own horn;) Today I felt like the little train that could. Today I felt like my old self again. It's a beautiful sunny day outside and I needed to take Doggie for a walk. My husband had left for work and the girl who helps me for the day hadn't shown up yet. The baby had been fed and was sitting happily in her swing.

At nearly 4 months old, Naama is big enough that she can sit in the stroller with an insert. Before hand, we had to put her car seat in the stroller. Because of the car seat's height once in the stroller, I never even attempted to put Naama in the stroller. For the first time just last week ,I put Naama in the stroller without the car seat, so I knew I could do it this time, except this time I was completely by myself. Last time, my husband was sort of with me. I say sort of because he was asleep on the couch. Today, Naama was gurgling happily in her swing, unaware of what mommy was about to try. I placed the stroller next to her, put the brakes on the stroller and sat down in a chair across from my baby and the stroller. I lifted my baby from the swing, brought her close to me so I could kiss her yummy cheek and placed her in the stroller! I strapped her in and we took Doggie to the park.

I was so proud of my accomplishment, I felt like jumping up and down shouting I DID IT!! I was so proud of myself that I took a picture of us in the elevator on our way back=)

Being able to do this small thing with my baby makes me feel more like her mother and not just her food source. Until now, I barely walked her in the stroller because the car seat made the stroller top heavy and easily tippable. Now with no car seat, the stroller is much lighter, so I feel more secure walking her.

Last week, when I went for a walk with the baby and my husband, I wheeled the stroller through the park and down a bit of a steep path. I felt good! I mentioned to my husband I was happy that I could do more now with my baby. I hate the way I feel when I can't physically do something, especially since I'm a doer...When we got back to our building, we had to wait for the sabbath elevator. I had to use the bathroom and couldn't wait for the elevator which stops at every floor in sabbath mode. Instead I climbed 6 flights of stairs. Doggie and I reached our apartment before my husband and the baby. I was out of breath but I felt great! I love being active. During the pregnancy and after the C section, I wasn't active at all.

Even though I can do a bit more with the baby on my own, I'm still searching for a nanny. Right now, I have two people switching days while my husband is at work. He got a day job outside the house, so we don't need a live in anymore! One of the nannies is an older, South African woman. I've dubbed her Mary Poppins. She speaks all proper with her accent and is a fine woman. She also turns up for work in a white overcoat, not unlike a doctor's coat. From the moment we interviewed Mary Poppins, I felt I finally found someone who understood me. She said I needed to feel comfortable with her since I am the baby's mother and she didn't want to overstep her bounds. I could've kissed her=) If you've read my other posts, you know I've had issues with other nannies. During our interview, I had to nurse Naama. Mary Poppins said "Do you mind if I look?" The woman was soooo hired=) I told her that I appreciated that she wanted to give me my privacy, but that I needed help positioning and burping the baby during nursing, so privacy in that respect kinda goes out the window. Unfortunately, Mary Poppins wasn't available every day, so she gives me two days a week.

When the baby's diaper needs changing, I will clean her and Mary Poppins will diaper and dress her. One day Mary Poppins said "It must be so hard for you dahling to have all these nannies here." My goal for you is to be rid of us nannies and for you to achieve independence." My jaw was on the floor. I promptly shut my mouth=) She proceded to teach me a few things This woman really understood what I was going through. WOW! When I need help with the baby, Mary Poppins will ask "Do you need my hands?" Interesting that she doesn't ask do you need me? She wants me to be as involved with my baby as possible. The second time she bathed Naama, she asked if I wanted to wash Naama as she held her. I smiled and said "sure". Naama was fixated on my face as I washed the front of her body as I spoke to her. As Mary Poppins was toweling Naama off, I told her this was the first time I washed Naama. She looked at me in disbelief and said "are you joking?"

Mary Poppins has given me the courage to try and do more with the baby. Today, I changed her diaper and buttoned her pajamas back up. I put her changing mat on my bed to make changing the baby easier. Her mat usually rests on her dresser in the nursery, which makes me uneasy when trying to change her, because the mat moves and I'm always nervous I may lose my balance. Having the mat on my bed takes away the balance issue, but bending over for more than a minute really hurts my back, so this is all still a work in progress!

Unfortunately, as much as I like Mary Poppins, she will only be able to give me a few mornings a week. Working all day is too much for her, even if she takes a rest upstairs=( I wonder if Mary Poppins has a twin...