Stairway to Nowhere

Following our traumatic summer last year when we were homeless for nearly 3 months during my pregnancy, I promised myself that when we finally found a suitable apartment it would be one we could stay in for a few years.

We took the place we are in now pretty much out of desperation. It was the last place we looked at and it kinda WAS at the top of our budget. It's a 4 bedroom duplex with a shower and a bath. Our building also has an elevator and an entrance with no stairs, which is perfect when I'd have to deal with a stroller. Being disabled and pregnant, I needed several ameneties to make my life easier but I HAD to have the elevator.

              With my balanced compromised because of my belly, I wasn't taking stairs.

                         Fast forward to baby.

I can't schlep a stroller up or down stairs and I don't have the balance to wear the baby in a baby carrier and just take her down or up the stairs, so it'd be great to stay where we are now, because I have my independence, but I think we have to move again=( I have trauma just looking at apartment rentals online!

Having a landlord from hell and an apartment at the top of our budget, now that we no longer have a live in nanny (thank God!!) we don't need the extra bedroom, so it'd be great to find something cheaper and smaller, but we haven't had any luck finding a suitable place. We live in a city in the foothills of Jerusalem Israel, so nearly every building has stairs. The buildings in this city are fairly old, so chances of them having an elevator are none really. Many ground floor apartments even have stairs leading downward to the apartment.

In our searches, apartments have been listed as disability accessible, but apparently Israelis don't understand what disabled access means. The first apartment we looked at months ago sounded GREAT. Ground floor, totally in our budget and it was at the back of the medical clinic we go to. Best of all it was still in the neighborhood we are in now which we were very happy about. We got Naama ready, put her in the stroller and off we went to look at this apartment. On the way I asked my husband if there were stairs. He said there were a few small stairs. No big deal. I can deal with taking the stroller up and down like 2-3 stairs. Not that I ever tried, but I figure it's the same thing as going on and off a curb with the stroller which is something I do very often.

We get to the building and I see TEN stairs just leading to the courtyard of the building. I was ready to turn around and walk home. But my husband said there may be another entrance. If there was I didn't see it! We got to the entrance of the apartment and I was just in shock! 2-3 stairs my ass! There were at least 8 stairs going STRAIGHT down to the apartment. My husband had a go at the landlord saying that he was told there weren't really stairs etc. The landlord said no no it's OK! He said we could possibly build a ramp over the stairs. I just stared at the guy like he landed from Mars. With the angle and height the stairs were at there was NO way a ramp would even be possible. My husband looked at the apartment anyway. I don't understand why. If I can't get in and out on my own, I don't care if the apartment is a palace!

This situation was only the first of many similar situations. It doesn't seem to matter whether I tell the landlord or agent NO STAIRS in Hebrew or English (even native English speakers), they continually show my husband apartments that have like a flight or a flight and a half of stairs just to get in to the place. Maybe they would understand if I spoke in Swahili?? Geez... I don't know, maybe they just really don't understand that I really CAN'T deal with a stroller and stairs. Maybe they think I will manage?? And my husband God love him, he continues to look at these apartments as if they are actually a possibility!!! As soon as I see stairs, I turn around. No need to waste anyone's time!
Truth is, even if I were completely able bodied, I wouldn't want to schlep a baby and a stroller up and down stairs multiple times a day. If only I could wear a baby carrier...Sometimes I think I want to try it because I have overcome so many other challenges I faced in caring for Naama, but then I come back to my senses. One fall with her on my body and it may be all over. No way am I taking that chance. I wonder if there have been others in my situation who have found a solution...

Mommy and Me

Today Naama and I went to our first mommy and me class.  I was very much looking forward to the class. I was nervous because we'd be taking the bus there and I wasn't sure how I was going to manage on the bus with a stroller. Walking with my husband to the bus stop, I felt like a little girl on my first day of school. I had butterflies in my stomach. I was nervous and excited at the same time. Here I was going with my baby to a mommy and me class all on my own! My husband put the stroller on the bus through the back door. I followed, put the stroller on brake and walked to the front to pay. So far so good. A woman helped me off the bus and I was on my way to the class.

When I got to the mommy and me class, there were stairs leading to the apartment. I called the woman leading the class and asked her to come out and help me. I didn't tell her I have Cerebral Palsy. She cast me a quick up and down, so as she pulled the stroller up the stairs, I mentioned I had a slight disability. I feel like I should wear a sign saying I HAVE CEREBRAL PALSY. I hate explaining... sometimes I do, sometimes I don't...

Walking into her apartment, I saw all the other moms already sitting with their babies in a circle on the floor. There was no room to bring the stroller through to the circle, so I had to ask the woman to carry Naama to the circle. Someone thoughtfully put a chair out for me so I didn't have to sit on the floor like the rest of the mommies. I got glances from some mommies in the class. I don't blame them. I'd look too if I saw someone walking abnormally.

The class got started and at first I was holding Naama on my lap and moving her arms and legs to the puppet show and song.

 Then I just sat her on the floor in front of me so she could explore a little. I stayed behind her at first because while she can sit on her own, she can't sit alone for a long period of time, so I was afraid she was going to fall back and hit her head on the leg of my chair, but she was fine and loved playing with other babies.

               After the puppet show, they broke out the rattles and tamboreen bracelets.

 I wanted to get in on this action, so I got down on the floor with Naama and together with the other babies and mommies we were shaking our tamboreens, rattling our rattles and singing away. I think I had a little too much fun...=) At nearly 9 months, Naama is still putting everything in her mouth, so of course in went the rattle and the tamboreen bracelet! The woman running the class must have read my mind because she said "to all new mommies, I've disinfected all the toys." Keep munching away then Naama! 

When all the babies were back in a circle, the head of the class went around putting this big furry hat on each baby as she said their name. Unfortunately, I couldn't get in front of Naama in time to get a picture, so I had to settle for a back shot.

 I think I was the only mom there with a camera. I lack the balance and strength to bend down to baby level and get really nice shots, so I do what I can. I was all over the place trying to get a good photo. Can you tell this was my first mommy and me class? =)

For one of the activities, all the mommies were holding their babies as they walked around in a circle and then jumped in and out of the circle. The other activity had the mommies walk around in a circle and the babies got to beat on a drum when the circle stopped. I don't have the balance to walk around holding Naama. I didn't say anything. For the activity where the mommies and babies jumped in and out of the circle, I just leaned back and forth in the chair with Naama in my arms. For the drum activity, when the circle reached me, the woman running the class brought the drum to Naama and let her bang on it=) 

At the end of the class, I waited till nearly everyone was gone and then asked for help to carry Naama to her stroller.

          Mommy and Me was a lot of fun! I had a blast and it looks like Naama loved it too! 

 One of the mommies in the class happened to be an old friend of my husband's from back in Australia. She recognized me and we walked out together. My new mommy friend mentioned how Naama was perfectly suited for me since she is such a calm, happy baby. Interesting how people pick that up almost  right away=)

Getting on the bus home was a story. I won't get on through the back of bus because I'm always afraid the driver won't see me. When the front doors opened, I asked the driver if he could come closer to the curb so I wouldn't have a gap between the stroller and the bus. Instead of coming closer, the driver lowered the bus but no ramp came forth, so that didn't really help me. An elderly woman on the bus saw me and came to help me lift the stroller on the bus. Right away I realized my mistake of not getting on at the back. The stroller's back wheels were too large to fit through the narrow aisle toward the front of the bus and I couldn't just stand there because more people were boarding at each stop. I had no choice but to take Naama out of the stroller and hold her on my lap. The elderly woman helped me fold the stroller and we stuffed it as best we could by my legs. I had one arm around Naama and I was holding the stroller steady with the other arm. This was my first time on a bus in our city. In certain areas the city is very hilly with windy roads. I guess I let my mind wander for a moment during the ride because the next thing I know, the bus took a deep turn and caught me off gaurd. The stroller flew into the aisle and I almost lost my grip on Naama. I readjusted my grip and someone helped to put the stroller back, but my heart was racing and my hands were shaking. What was I thinking getting on a bus with Naama by myself?

Finally when I reached my stop, a woman helped me and Naama off the bus. I thanked her and then realized I got off about a stop early which meant I had to walk uphill in crazy hot weather. As I walked to meet my husband, I had mixed emotions. I felt like crying because the whole bus thing was such an ordeal and I was so embarrassed. I just wanted to go to the class so my baby could have a good time.  On the other hand, I'm happy I went to the class with Naama. It was good for both of us. 

When I told my husband what happened on the bus ride back, he wondered why I didn't just catch a cab home. I explained that taking a cab would've been nearly the same as taking a bus. I would still need help transferring Naama and dealing with the stroller. 

I definitely want to go back to mommy and me next week. Maybe one of the mommies has a car and can give us a ride, but the ideal would be a mommy and me class in my area so I wouldn't have to worry about a 15 minute bus ride with Naama.

Motherhood

I LOVE motherhood! I was born to be a mother.

 For about 2 weeks earlier this month, Naama was waking up at 4am because her teeth were coming through!

 Sure I was half asleep, but my main concern was comforting my baby. My husband took Naama out of her bassinet and handed her to me. Naama and I snuggled together and I nursed her back to sleep. In the mornings, as my husband inhaled his coffee, I mentioned that even at 4am, Naama's cries are like music to my ears. "You're not normal," said my husband. "Does her poop still smell like flowers to you?"he asked. My husband can't change a poopy diaper without gagging, so I change them. I used to say her poopy smelled like flowers...Ok maybe Im exaggerating a bit, because now that she's eating solids, it definitely don't smell so hot, but I'm just happy that her plumbing's working right!


Earlier this week, we moved Naama into her own room where she sleeps in her regular crib. My husband said that at 8 months old it's time she slept in her own room. I beg to differ, but she WOULD fit in her crib better than the bassinet, so we put her to bed in her own room, which is literally 4 paces  from our bedroom. My husband was asleep the second his head hit the pillow, but I kept tossing and turning. I couldn't sleep. I missed my baby. I love this moosh face! Naama is so yummy that we have combined her name and the word yummy, so we often call her Nummy=)

 With Naama spending her first night in her own room, I felt like she didn't need her mommy anymore. I got all teary just looking at Naama's empty bassinet. She could handle it. She may have been ok, but mommy wasn't! Forget baby separation anxiety! Mommy's having the separation anxiety! Even though I felt ridiculous for doing so, I grabbed a blanket and pillow and lay on the floor next to Naama's crib. I was asleep in seconds=)

I think the best part about being a mom is when I walk into a room and Naama gives me a huge smile and flaps her arms and legs with excitement, or when she cries when I leave the room, or when she looks for me when she's frightened. I feel so happy and also amazed. To her I'm perfect even though I have Cerebral Palsy.

Yeah I can now do the majority of baby care on my own, but there are a few kinks I doubt I will ever be able to iron out.

One night while my husband was walking Doggie, Naama woke crying but she was still half asleep.  I wanted to take her out of her bassinet and just cuddle and comfort her, but she was still kinda sleepy and unlike my husband, I don't do anything gently. While I was hemming and hawwing over how to take her gently out of her bed, she cried harder. Naama often pushes herself to the head of her bed, which makes it hard for me to grab her at a good angle, but without thinking too much, I pulled her toward me by her legs/tush so I could get a good grip on her and lifted her out of her bassinet. I tried to put her gently on my bed , but I ended up more like plopping her on the bed and she cried harder. Talk about a rude awakening! After positioning her, I lay beside her and nursed her back to sleep, but I felt so bad that I was kinda rough on her.... Sometimes when I'm trying to lay Naama next to me so I could nurse her in bed, she decides it's easier for her to just come at my breast head on! That does kinda make it easier on me and it's hysterical to see. I love my intuitive baby=) When I was younger, I always joked with my friends that I should be a product tester. I tore and broke more notebooks and binders than I can count! If a product can withstand my falls, drops and toughness it gets a green light!

When I'm alone, I nurse Naama on the couch so I can transfer her to her stroller if she's awake when she's done. Since I can't gently transfer a sleeping Naama from my breast to her stroller or bed, I have to stay on the couch with her in the nursing position until she wakes up which could be close to an hour. It's not easy having body parts fall asleep on you=) Occasionally, I can move her from a nursing position to a sitting position while she's still out which helps my numb arm, but I'm still stuck on the couch for who knows how long=) However, having her delicious, warm little body on me makes up for all the other things around the house which aren't going to get done...again!

And we have reached the next developmental stage! Crawling! We totally thought we'd have a bit more time before Naama started crawling in her 7th month, but one day she was just on the move and she never looked back!

It's hard for me that she's crawling, but I'm doing the best I can. Thankfully Naama is just doing the army crawl now and is mainly crawling in one area which makes it a little easier.

Last week, my husband started a new job. He left the house at 6:30AM. Naama was already feeding and I was happy about that. If I needed help, my husband was still around. I can deal with the baby care, it just takes me longer because I have to put her in the stroller first to get around the house, or I have to rearrange things before doing something like changing a diaper and we all know that patience is one thing babies DON'T have, so it was easier having my husband help me since Mary Poppins wasn't coming until 10am.

Now that Naama was crawling, I was very apprehensive to be alone with her. I wasn't planning on taking her out of her stroller until Mary Poppins arrived. Naama hates being confined, so I knew she was going to want to be on the floor and I wanted her to have her freedom.

I can put her on the floor and pick her up if she is within my reach from where I'm sitting on the couch but I had yet to pick her up from the floor while standing. When she starts crawling just out of my reach, I will grab her by her clothing and slide her back to me. I feel kinda cruel for doing that because she's trying to get to a certain point and here I come pulling her ALL the way back. When she's on her mat, I'm careful not to walk near her without holding onto something because I'm afraid I'll fall and hurt my princess. One day I was on the baby's opposite side. I went to get something and I tripped over the blanket that cushions the mat. I decided to play with her while I was on the floor. Why not? I'm already there=)

 But usually, I get on the floor and play with her. I love every minute!

Aren't those teeth just the cutest???

One day, Naama crawled across the room from me and was going near the computer cable. My only choice was to pick her up while I was standing. Once again when push came to shove, I knew I could do what I need to do. I braced myself and without really thinking about it, I picked her up and walked her back to her mat on the other side of the room! When I pick her up, I hold her away from my body so her weight doesn't throw me off balance. I sense that she knows she has to be extra good around me, because when I pick her up she doesn't squirm around at all. She stays perfectly still. Sometimes I will hold her to my body, bracing her against me with my arm. I'm definitely holding her too tight because she makes grunting noises like I'm cutting off her air supply. I haven't yet figured out how I can hold her to me a little gentler. I just have a tough grasp....probably because of the Cerebral Palsy.

The night I slept on the floor next to her crib, Naama woke at 5am wanting to eat. Instead of waking my husband to take her out of her crib and carry her to our bed or the rocking chair in her nursery, I lifted her out of the crib (which I had done before under supervision ) and holding her against my chest, I walked over to the rocking chair, sat down and nursed her! During our short walk, Naama let out a few grunts as if to say Mommy you're choking me!! I felt bad, but there's nothing I can do about how I hold her against me. I was concerned that squeezing her little body so tight could cause internal bleeding or something, so at her last doctor's visit, I voiced my concern and he said it's not a problem. PHEW!

I'm happy that I can pick Naama up and walk a short distance with her if I have to, but what happens if I trip and fall on her? I've fallen on a cat before, so falling on a baby can happen, but I realize that the more I do the same tasks with her, my body is better able to deal with what I need to do in the moment, like lift her and walk short distances with her, but at the end of the day my back is shot and all my muscles are in knots, but even though caring for Naama is the reason behind my physical pain, I wouldn't have it any other way=)

High time

Meet my latest challenge.

It's a great little highchair and it's adjustable. It even has a cute little tag on it that says

Good baby as opposed to what?? Bad baby?? :)

Jokes aside, I'm just concerned I won't be able to put Naama in the highchair. I don't think I can lift her from her stroller while standing and place her in the highchair. I'm afraid I may lose my balance with the height differences even though the highchair is adjustable....maybe if I transfer her while sitting? I won't know until I try, but that's tomorrow's challenge....


Now that Naama has been eating solids at least once a day for over a month already, it was time to get her a highchair. Until now, we were feeding her in her stroller or with someone else holding her. Feeding her in the stroller was doing a number on my back. I also think it may be the reason she got more food on her than in her.

Little miss independent wants to feed herself!!

Now she eats all proper in her chair.

My little baby is growing up too fast for me! I knew she'd have to start eating solids soon, but I wanted to nurse her for as long as I could so I kept pushing off buying the rice cereal=) Nursing time belongs to just the two of us. I call her my little monkey because she will literally wrap her fingers, hands and legs around me as I'm nursing.

When we were in the supermarket, my husband picked up the rice cereal. As I started to read the instructions I realized I was supposed to substitute a nursing session so that she could have rice cereal mixed with my milk. I thought she was just supposed to have a teaspoon or two, not substitute a feed! I'm not a person who cries easily, but I found myself tearing up as I said "No. I'm not doing this" and I put the rice cereal back on the shelf. My husband said he understood, but apparently when I wasn't looking he tossed the rice cereal back into our shopping cart.

I eventually came to my senses and realized that I could really benefit from Naama eating rice cereal at least once a day. On the days I'm on my own with Naama, I nurse her from my left side and just pump from my right side. Now instead of just having milk, Naama could eat rice cereal after nursing and be fuller longer, which meant that I wouldn't have to nurse her so often. I love nursing her, it just isn't always so easy on my own

Seasons of change

WOW does time fly!! I can't believe this is my first post in over a month! I wouldve posted sooner, but mommy was too busy being Naama's 24/7 entertainment center! Well...that and the fact that Naama will often be hogging my computer to watch her Gigglebellies videos!! But thank God that at 6 months she is thriving in every way, but man can that baby tire me out with the things I do for her. I'll dance the hokey pokey in my bra right after she eats just to keep her happy and let me tell you, dancing the hokey pokey looks even funnier when you have Cerebral Palsy=) I'll read Naama books and make funny animal sounds, I'll headbang to music till I'm dizzy because mommy throwing her hair around gets Naama laughing hysterically. Naama also realizes she's now much closer to mommy's hair to give a nice yank! Sure I'm tired of constantly being on, but how can I stop when I get smiles like this?

Naama is sprouting like a bean stalk! In May, I put away all Naama's newborn and winter clothing. It was nostalgic and crazy to realize how fast time flew! My baby was so teeny when she was born, weighing only 5.5 lbs. Now she weighs almost 15.5 lbs!! I was happy and sad at the same time. Happy that my beautiful daughter is thriving, but sad that the teeny tiny stage is over. I looked at some of her newborn clothing and wondered how she ever fit in such teeny clothing!

Naama's growth isnt the only thing moving at a rapid pace. Naama is constantly moving her arms and legs and is a very inquisitive little person. On May 15th, Naama rolled over from her back to her stomach and once she started she didn't stop! In one day Naama rolled over 3 times!

I was very happy for my baby. She rolled over, but for me it was all over! In that instant, I realized I couldn't be alone with Naama the way I was before. When I didn't have consistent help for a week I managed to care for her all on my own, but then, Naama was happy going from the swing to the stroller. Now she loved moving around. Not wanting to inhibit my baby, I wanted her to have as much freedom as possible which meant a lot of time on the floor on her tummy or back so she could wriggle, roll and scoot backwards on her back. I can sit on the floor, but manuvering around is difficult and painful with my bad knee, so I had help for about a week until the girl who was helping me didn't turn up and left me in a jam. I decided to put Naama on her tummy time mat on the couch instead of the floor and it worked just fine!

Now I have Mary Poppins 3 mornings a week so I can get stuff done. and the other times I am on my own with Naama. Now that I'm a mother, it's almost like I possess a strength I never knew I had. When I lift or pass my baby from surface to surface, I just know I'm NOT going to drop her. Often, I will pass Naama from surface to surface while standing because it's actually easier and more stable for me to transfer her while standing instead of sitting like I used to. Sometimes when I am trying to lift Naama from her tummy time mat or get her into a burping position, I will do it by feel and not by sight. My eyes are open, but I'm not looking at her, I'm concentrating on the feeling: My hands, my fingers, my grip and her body movements. When others care for her, I watch them fairly closely because I want to see if I can do what they are doing. I realized that not only can I do what they are doing, but often I can do a better job.

With my confidence level increasing, I wanted to try and pick Naama up from her bed. I hated that each morning I couldn't just lift her up and smooch her smiling face. I had to wait for my husband to bring her to me so I could feed her. One morning I decided I was going to try and take her out of her bassinet. I waited for Mary Poppins to arrive before attempting to lift Naama. Whenever I do something with Naama for the first time, I make sure someone else is around. I'm always up for a challenge, I just go about it the safe way when it comes to my baby.

Operation remove from bassinet here we go!!

Mary Poppins was encouraging me and guiding me through the process. Here Mary poppins was telling me to turn my body toward my bed

I was a little nervous. can you tell?

I just had to sneak in a smooch!

And we landed!! safely

Nelson Mandela once said everything seems impossible until it's done. this phrase perfectly describes what I'm dealing with stage by stage as my daughter grows and develops.When push comes to shove, I realize I can do something which was once impossible.

On May 21st, Naama and I were at my grandmother's apartment. My grandmother wasn't home yet so my uncle let us in. Before leaving he asked if I needed help. Everything was fine with Naama so I said no. Of course 5 minutes after my uncle walked out the door Naama made an explosive poop! I was able to change her diaper, but her onezie needed changing as well which was something I couldn't do because I didnt know how to work with both hands and lift her head at the same time. Usually I had someone to change her into a new outfit, but I was all alone. How hard could this be? I'd seen it done countless times before. I can do this. I automatically put my good hand under her head to lift. Right away I realized it was all wrong. My left hand which is my weaker hand was already under her neck and for some reason I felt more stable lifting her head with my bad hand. I slowly lifted her neck and with my right hand I reached over and pulled the onezie over her head! I just stared at Naama in disbelief. i did it! I put on her onezie!! I just reached the point where I could now be completely independent to care for Naama! Cerebral Palsy be damned!! But my joy was short lived because Naama was crying. She was HUNGRY! Now I had to figure out how I was going to nurse her by myself.At home I had my setup so I could nurse her on my own on one side and just pump the other. Being in a different environment was a bit tricky to figure out how I was going to feed her. I quickly finished dressing her and lay beside her on the bed to nurse. Laying on my left side was a struggle to get my nipple into her mouth. Naama was becoming hysterical and I was trying not to cry myself. I had to figure this out now. I quickly went to the other side of the bed and voila! Naama latched on right away. What a relief!! We lay there together for awhile. When she was done I put her back in her stroller and wheeled her to the living room. shortly afterwards my grandmother walks in...of course!


I left Naama with my grandmother and headed to my doctor's appointment. Following a somewhat painful visit, my doctor called me a hero. I smiled. Physical pain didn't make me feel like a hero. Overcoming challenges with Naama makes me feel like a hero=)

I'm Back!!

Today I spent all day alone with Naama! The help I was supposed to have cancelled which kinda sucked because I had to reschedule Naama's 4 month vaccination.

It was actually a big help that Naama woke up around 5am, because she wasn't starving when my husband left for work around 7. Before leaving, my husband changed her and put her in the swing. Naama fell asleep shortly afterward and stayed asleep for almost 2 hours which was good and bad. Doggie needed to go out and it looked like it was going to rain which was weird since the rainy season is basically over, but of course on the day I had no help it rained! While Naama was asleep, I took advantage of the time, had breakfast and made a few phone calls. One of those phone calls was to try and see if our washing machine could be fixed, but it looks like our machine has gone to washing machine heaven. REALLY bad timing!! but is there ever a good time to lose your washing machine???

As Naama was waking up, the sun began shining (thank god). I put Naama in her stroller and took a very desperate Doggie for a walk. On our way back, I was kicking myself for not pumping milk while Naama was asleep. I knew she would be hungry when we got back. I considered going to a neighbor so I could have help nursing her, but I'm tired of bothering people. I had what to give Naama, I just prayed that she could hold off until I had enough pumped for a single feed. She usually eats a bit over (150ml) 5 oz. in a feeding. I swore to myself I would never be one of those mothers who sticks their child in front of a TV, but seriously, THANK GOD for YouTube. It really helps when I'm in a bind. Naama loves watching children's videos. She loves the colors and the movements and it's really cute when she gurggles at the screen=) When we got back, I plopped her in front of the screen, put it on auto mode and let her watch as much as she wanted while I got her second breakfast ready.

What is usually an easy feed was anything but. At first she ate and burped just fine. When she's bottle fed, her burps crack me up. She lets loose a loud, long belch. It's so cute to hear such a sound coming from such a little body. Her father says she makes him proud=) I put her back in her swing and began feeding her some more, only this time she wanted to play instead of eat, so she semi-ate and cried each time I burped her. I finally realized what she wanted because she kept batting my hand away. She wanted to hold the bottle on her own!! She may burp like her daddy, but she's got her mommy's independent streak! I gave in and let her hold the bottle for as long as she was able.

After her meal, Naama fell asleep again for over an hour. As I was making lunch, I got a call from my South African Mary Poppins. She wanted to schedule time for me. As we spoke, she said "Dahling, are you eating? You neglect yourself dahling. You must eat!" Did I mention I love this woman?? For one she's really funny and has a lot of spunk for an older woman. She's also really sweet and brings me things from time to time, like black beer and leben yogurt. She says both foods will give my milk supply a kick. As it happened, I was using the yogurt she brought me in the lunch I was making and she was happy to hear it=) Thank god I had enough milk to pump for her today:)

After Naama's second feed, I changed her diaper and prayed I wouldn't find any presents in her diaper that required me to change her onezie. I have trouble taking the onezie off and I can't put a new one back on. Thankfully, Naama didn't leave me any gifts=) I played with Naama for awhile and then decided to give her some tummy time. I'm a little nervous to give her tummy time when I'm on my own, and a lot of the time, I simply forget about it, but if this baby is going to hit the rolling over milestone soon, she won't do it sitting in her swing!! I put her in her stroller, wheeled her to the couch and lifted her on to her tummy time mat. She had a good ten minutes on her tummy. I was so proud to see her trying to turn the bottom half of her body=) She will roll over soon enough! When she started to get cranky, I went to turn her on her back. It was a bit difficult for me to get a good grip on her and I kept pulling her butt and legs more towards me, so I could get a better grip on her. Poor baby with her face down was probably thinking what the hell is mommy trying to do here?! because she started to cry. I finally flipped her on her back and we played some more.

She could've used more tummy time, but I know the whole flipping thing is hard on her and me so I didn't give her anymore tummy time. I put her back in the stroller and wheeled her 3 paces back to her swing.

Putting her in her stroller to go such a short distance is time consuming and feels absolutely ridiculous, but it works so it's all good=)

Towards the end of the day I was totally wiped, but I felt amazing physically and emotionally. Lifting Naama several times throughout the day and working with both hands simultaneously strengthened my arms and hands almost immediately. Also, doing more physical tasks has really helped alleviate the horrible pain I had for months in my rotator cuff. My doctor prescribed physical therapy for the pain. Taking care of my daughter is my physical therapy! I was so happy to finally realize I CAN take care of Naama. I realized that having a nanny hindered me. I used the help as too much of a crutch so I didn't realize what I am actually capable of. That said, I will still have help off and on. I now know I can take care of my baby on my own if I need to and that's enough for me.

I had about an hour till my husband came home from work. As I was talking to him on the phone, I hear Naama leaving me a present=) I smiled at her and said "daddy's turn!"