Taking Chances

Naama was holding my right hand as we walked home today from her new daycare across the street from our building. It was after 2 p.m. and the sun was shining strongly. Naama asked to walk in the shade which was on my left side. I let her hand go so she could transfer sides. Once in the shade, Naama attempted to take my left hand, which is my weaker hand. I suddenly remembered I couldn't safely walk this way with Naama.

"This hand is hard for mommy to hold your hand with and walk at the same time," I said.

Being 2.5 years old, that wasn't an acceptable answer for Naama and she again tried to take my left hand in hers. Walking while holding Naama's hand in my left hand throws my gait off. Afraid I'd lose my balance or trip over myself if I walked with Naama holding my left hand, I again explained to her that even though she didn't want to walk in the sun, she had to take my right hand. Naama grumbled and started walking ahead of me and before I knew it, she had run across the street to the park by our building. Thankfully, that street isn't a busy main street, but being a residential street, there are plenty of cars up and down that small brick lined street. Thankfully for me at that moment, no one happened to be driving on that street.

I quickly reached Naama, grabbed her by the arm and reprimanded her for running into the street. She knows running onto the street can give her a very big boo boo and she's usually very good about waiting for me or my husband to cross the street with her, so I was more surprised than angry at her behavior, and I realized because the street was brick lined and not asphalt, she probably didn't realize she was running onto a street, but I still yelled at her.

WHY DID YOU CROSS THE STREET BY YOURSELF? YOU KNOW CARS CAN GIVE YOU BIG BOO BOOS! 

At that moment, a car drove toward us, which illustrated my point perfectly.

"You see?! I said, pointing to the moving car. If that car had been there when you ran into the street, you could've gotten a big big boo boo!

"I'm sorry mommy," Naama said.

I accepted her apology, gave her hugs and kisses and dropped the subject, but I couldn't stop beating myself up.

When Naama started this new daycare a few days ago, I told myself I'd walk her over in the stroller because even though the daycare is across the street and Naama is really good about holding my hand to cross the street, you never know....but I let the stroller idea slide because I saw how well she listened to my husband and myself regarding hand holding while crossing on the first 2 days, so I felt silly walking Naama such a short distance in the stroller, but today proved I need to listen to myself. I can't leave my comfort zone when caring for Naama. I know what works for me as a mother with Cerebral Palsy, and silly or not, I have to stick to it. The consequences could be immeasurable if I deviate from my comfort zone even just a bit. Naama is a very special, precious soul. She's my gift from G-d whom I cherish every second and I don't want to do anything to jeopardize the beautiful soul I have been given to mother.

Knowing Naama wouldn't agree to sit in the stroller, I came up with a compromise which worked beautifully. I would wheel her over to the daycare and once we reached the ramp leading up to the daycare, I'd let her out so she could run up the ramp. Naama loved that idea and once we reached the ramp, she took off like lightning, her little legs running happily and safely up to her daycare as I followed behind her.